I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
