you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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