We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
