i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
