omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
tequila makes me forget i have legs
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
