I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
