And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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