Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
