last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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