um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
