i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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