haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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