There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
