There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
