ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
