u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize