He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
