Sacagawea was the original milf.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
