The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
