Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
