I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
