Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
