you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
