Can i not drive my cunt home
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Need sex. Gaining weight.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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