I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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