i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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