i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
