I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
