she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
