If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
