No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
