hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
