I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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