I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
