but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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