either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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