I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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