he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
