Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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