Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
