clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
