Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
