then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
As shirtless as possible
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
