I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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