if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
