There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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