the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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