oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
