I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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