Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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