this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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