dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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