Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
