I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
