every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
