This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
