Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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