he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
