her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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