Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
time to smoke my breakfast
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
