the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
