When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My vagina just clenched in fear
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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