During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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