just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
