my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
